The Scientific Origin of Sapphire

     Given that blue is the world’s most popular color it's no surprise that sapphires are one of the most highly sought-after gems for jewelry… but where do they come from? Currently there are two competing theories that seek to explain sapphire’s origins, each with its zealous adherents and even more zealous detractors…


     The first of these, commonly referred to as the Celestial Debris Theory, hypothesizes that the Earth rests upon a pedestal made of sapphire which, as should be self-evident, similarly rests upon a pedestal made of sapphire and so on and so forth all the way down. The sapphires that we find on Earth are chips and shards from this pedestal, and the blue color of the sky (a result of the reflection of the pedestal’s hue off the firmamental dome) strongly supports this theory and to date has yet to be conclusively refuted by the opposing camp.

     The second of these theories, generally known as the Gift of the Goddess Theory, asserts with an implausibility surpassed only by the unearned confidence of its supporters that once upon a time and many eons ago there dwelt a goddess of unmatched splendor. Her long flowing locks of golden hair perfectly set off her impossibly blue eyes, and each day a monk meditated before her in silent contemplation of her heavenly beauty. His cat, Sinh, in turn sat and meditated before his master in silent imitation of his devotion and faith.


     One night, the monk was attacked by a gang of marauding bandits and Sinh, sensing the danger, leapt in between them with nary a thought for his own life, such was the love he bore for his master. The gang of marauding bandits fled in terror before this act of holy power and the Goddess granted Sinh her blue eyes as a reward for his virtue, which were, of course, sapphires.

     The glaring and gaping holes in this theory do not need to be pointed out: that this explains the transition from the heavenly to the earthly realm of just two sapphires, that no cat has ever been witnessed to display the kind of loyalty much more characteristic of a dog, and that the merest nick with Occam’s razor leaves this theory in utter shreds, and so in the interests of disinterested objectivity I hereby leave it to the reader to make up their own mind on the issue and pick their side...


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